Years ago when I was in 6th or 7th grade I wondered if any girls liked me the same way that I liked them. I had my little crushes and whatnot, but I didn’t ever act on them. Why? Well, it was because I was afraid of being rejected and the whole school laughing at me so I stayed in my safe (but lonely) zone.
I’m sure my story isn’t much different than many of you reading this article. I mean, let’s be real, how many guys get dating and relationships figured out in junior high?
Looking back at that time thereafter, I had made some assumptions based on what I saw in movies, watched on TV, and heard in music.
That assumption was that girls liked rock stars, pro athletes, actors, super ripped guys, or whatever guys their friends were dating. As time went by I figured out two things…
1. My assumptions were right and…
2. That’s not all they liked!
Then, it hit me like a lightning bolt!
Here were these guys around me going on dates and attracting hot girls into their life and they were none of those things listed above.
After doing copious research and putting my theories to the test to see what worked in attraction and what didn’t I realized that there are five attraction triggers for women.
Now I’ll give credit where credit is due. I didn’t come to this realization on my own (It comes from a book called The Mystery Method) but I did test them and it showed to be true.
The common response is “Well duh, they’re attracted to guys that they find hot” and you’re right but only to a certain degree. Men tend to think that women think as we do. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a woman say “Well, he’s physically hot but he just doesn’t do it for me” The other common response is “They’re attracted to how fat your wallet is!”
Listen, I’m not saying there aren’t gold diggers out there, but what I’m saying is that in most cases it’s WHY guys have that money, not necessarily THAT he has money. How many times have you heard about a guy rolling out the red carpet just to get a hug and a “You’re so nice!” at the end of the night? Those things are part of the puzzle but not the whole picture.
This leaves the question…
If it’s not looks or money, then what are these triggers? and how can I pull them?
Well, I’m going to break it down for you and give you some ways to apply it for yourself!
Remember when I said that the girls would like the guy their friend was dating? Why do you think that is?
The quick and dirty answer is that he comes pre-selected. But let me explain a little bit deeper. There’s a book that I highly recommend called Influence by Robert Cialdini and in this book, the basic premise is that if everyone is doing it, it must be the thing to do.
In other words, women understand what a man of value is and that it’s truly a rare thing. They also understand what another beautiful woman is and if you have one on your arm then there MUST be something special about you.
I can hear it now… “Great Dale, but how do I pull that off when I have a hard enough time getting one cute girl interested in me?” I completely understand and I have a few thoughts…
One thing you can do is get a “wing-girl”. This could be a friend that is down to help a brotha out or maybe it’s a friend of a friend but the bottom line is if you have an attractive woman accompany you and sing your praises it will go a long way. I’ll give you an example…
I was coaching one of my students on a hot Friday night at one of the more popular clubs in town. I was sitting at the bar with my student and I told him to start a conversation with a table of girls that was maybe eight feet away or so.
The music was loud so I couldn’t hear the interaction but I could read the body language and facial expressions and it was obvious that they were tolerating him at best.
I was talking to the bartender who is a very attractive girl and she knows that I bring guys there to make them more socially comfortable often, we have a very good rapport going (pro-tip: get to know the staff of places you frequent).
I told her “Hey help me out, go over to the table and show interest in my guy over there”.
She zips over there and sits in his lap and puts her arm around him and says to all the girls “OMG isn’t he just the cutest? Everyone loves this guy!”
As soon as she left the energy at the table completely shifted to him and you would have thought they were talking to the most interesting man alive.
Another thing you can do is manufacture social proof. What I mean is this…
When you see a group of people talking, you like most people assume they are a group and they probably all know each other. That may not be the case but we just think it is.
If you become the social guy and talk to everyone you will be seen by women as the popular guy who knows everyone and that comes with status.
One last thing…
If you’re active on dating apps, having a pic or two with attractive girls will show that you’re not creepy. If those girls feel comfortable being around you then there must be something about you.
Don’t make the pics look like you’re on a date with them but rather that you’re just out having a good time.
2. Leader of Men
We’ve all heard the phrase “alpha male” before.
Maybe you get the image of an NFL linebacker or a lumberjack but that’s only part of the picture. In my opinion “alpha” qualities are really just leadership qualities.
Remember earlier when I said that it’s about the ability to get money and not so much that you have it? This is what I’m talking about right here. It’s about having assertiveness, confidence, healthy self-esteem, intelligence, a will to win, etc.
Those leadership qualities are what separate the winners from the losers in a lot of women’s minds.
How many times have you heard women complain that “He’s so nice but there’s just nothing there”? Well, more often than not THIS is the “something” that they’re looking for.
She wants to be able to FEEL your presence and not just notice it. If you don’t show leadership skills by planning dates, being assertive in the sack (not dominating unless everyone is on board with that), setting the agenda, etc, she’ll likely see you as a “nice guy” without that edge to yourself.
How can this be demonstrated?
Showing it in the moment would be best. But that’s not always feasible so instead of that, a well-timed story about the time you organized that thing…or the time the boys came to you for your guidance….or the time you had to step up and take the reigns…
Remember: If you lead the men, the women will follow.
3. Protector of Loved Ones
I think we’ve all heard the narrative about the girl going after the “bad boy”, right?
And it’s true, that does happen. But does that mean she actually likes bad people who are out to really hurt people? In most cases, no.
What she really likes is the perceived strength that the “bad boy” brings to the table. That he’s not afraid to go against cultural and societal norms to get his.
So what does any of that have to do with being a protector of loved ones?
It’s good to show an edge but it’s also important for her to know the edginess will be used to protect her and not against her. It’s a big scary world where anything can happen and if you show that she can fall under your blanket of protection and that she’s safer with you than without you, that’s very attractive on a deep level.
Everything physically she’s attracted to could also hurt her. It’s hard for us men to resonate with that statement but it’s true. In all likelihood, she likes that you’re bigger, stronger, faster, and more aggressive. But if those things turn against her then she’s in trouble.
That’s why reinforcing safety is so crucial and a must. You can talk about the bond you have for your family or the time you stood up for an injustice and had to take action.
Think about it, if you’re willing to stand up for a stranger, what lengths would you go through to make sure someone you care about is safe.
Another way to make sure she knows that you take those you care about’s safety seriously is making sure she knows you have a pet.
If you don’t have a pet but had one in the past that will almost as good. You can show her pics of you and your furry friend and it will likely be relatable to her on some level.
One last tip, make sure you befriend her friends and give them your contact info so they know they can reach you anytime their friend is with you.
It only takes one to not like you for her toxic feelings to spread to everyone and that makes things 1000X more difficult when you could have just gotten to know them in the first place.
4. Ability to Emote
What does emote really mean? It means that you’re can and willing to show emotion. A common misconception is that women want a guy that’s stoic.
You know, the strong silent type? That’s more fantasy than reality and if you can’t show emotion then you’re nothing more than a robot and robots equals boring. There’s nothing more frustrating to a woman than a guy who looks like he doesn’t want to be there.
While she’s having fun and taking everything in you’re over here playing the part of “Billy Bad-Ass” playing the wall with a scowl and arms folded. It’s not a good look.
She wants to be with someone fun and that shows a zest for life.
Now mind you:
You shouldn’t let the pendulum swing the other way and be an emotional basket case. You don’t have to share about the time that pooped your pants before the big game but you should show that you have human emotions.
It’s okay to show some insecurities that you’ve owned up to and that you can joke about those things. You should be able to show that you process when it’s time to be angry. that you’re mad, when things are sad you’re sad, happy is happy, etc.
I think one of the best ways to show this is to talk about a time that you overcame personal adversity. That you had the wherewithal to overcome a situation like the time you were scared about your part in the school play or being nervous about that high-pressure job.
It shows that you’re human like the rest of us, and yet you can overcome those insecurities and make things happen.
5. Having a Purpose Greater Than One’s Self
I would argue this is the most important point in this article. You should know who you are and what you want out of life.
We’re all on a path and it can be heading towards your purpose or away from it. When I say “purpose” I mean the thing that you’ve been put on planet earth to do.
It could be starting a business, inventing a life-changing product. Or it could be as simple as being a good father to your son (not that it’s simple but you get the idea).
You may not know what that purpose is and that’s okay as long as you’re looking for that purpose and that in and of itself is your current purpose.
What many guys do is designate a bunch of time, effort, and energy to their purpose but as soon as they start dating a girl or get into a relationship, that purpose goes right out the window.
Then what happens is she feels like she got sold a false bill of goods. She feels duped because she fell for this guy with all this passion towards something in life and he’s willing to trade that in to serve her. He bends over backwards and makes her his life and now she losses respect for this guy that she thought had a plan for his life.
You can’t tell me that you’ve never heard about a woman that complains because her man WAS driven and now all he does is play video games.
The way to show her you have a purpose in your life is to have boundaries and she knows that comes first. She wants to be a part of your life, not be YOUR LIFE.
You have to make it very clear that it’s important to you and so when she asks if you want to chill Thursday night and that’s one of the designated times for you to work towards that purpose that it’s a non-negotiable.
Remember: You set the agenda and make the plans. So, enforce your boundaries and you’ll have her respect.
TRUST + RESPECT = ATTRACTION
Listen, if you hit these attraction triggers things will fall into place so much easier. Sure, as I said, looks, money, and status are a thing and can get your foot in the door but it’s not the full picture.
Truth be told if you do the things listed in your everyday life it’ll make a world of difference not only in dating but across the breadth of your life. Ultimately you should look to level up every area of your life and that’s what’s attractive to everyone.
- 5 Attraction Triggers That Make You Irresistible To Women - July 31, 2021
- The Secret To Having Real Confidence In Dating Beautiful Women - June 29, 2021